The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
