it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
