I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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