She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
