dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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