Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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