My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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