Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is the high leading the old right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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