my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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