the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
