The maid of honor just puked.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
