one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
