His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
