this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
