Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
