Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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