not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
