you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
