I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't deserve a penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
