I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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