Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
