youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
