i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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