I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
