so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
