I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
