Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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