just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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