She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
