The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
