I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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