I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
