Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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