did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
