i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
