Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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