She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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