I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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