hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drake has all the answers
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
