i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
