I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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