I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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