At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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