what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
