ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
