He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
