apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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