I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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