My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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