hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
