The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You need a sexual gate keeper
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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