so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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