Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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