is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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