She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
