your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You need a sexual gate keeper
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
