Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
MIDGETS
????
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
