We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
