just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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