I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
