Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
