My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
