Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
