im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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