guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is wine microwaveable?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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