dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
