So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
