you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
