i don't like sucking hair
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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