So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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