you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
