Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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