Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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