Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
